November 25, 2018
I had my second weekend of Yoga Teacher Training last week. I’d like to share with you a grounding exercise that I have learned. I’ve been using it at the beginning of my own practice sessions, but also throughout the day at different times and in different situations.
Begin by getting comfortable in your seat. Set aside anything you’re holding in your hands. If you feel comfortable doing so, close your eyes or lower your gaze.
Now bring your attention to your body, wherever it meets the pew or the floor. That may be your back. That may be your sit bones. That may be the underside of your thighs. That may be your feet. Just bring your attention to those places. Feel the weight of your body as it sits. This signals your body that there are no emergencies right now. You’re not rushing around the house getting ready for church. You’re not in traffic on the way. You’re not even reaching for a hymnal wondering what the next hymn is. Even though your mind might want to start thinking about what you’re going to have for lunch, your body can now sense that there is nowhere to go and nothing to do.
Second, bring our attention to your face, the area around your eyes or your jaw. Relax them. This may sound strange, but bring your attention as well to the roof of your mouth. If you can imagine relaxing that part of your body, fine. If not, that’s fine, too. We carry far more tension in our face that we realize. It is also a place that reacts when we sense that there is an emergency. So, relax.
Third, bring your attention to your breath, particularly your exhale. Follow your exhale all the way to the end, all the way to the pause at the end of your breath. Then allow the in-breath to come naturally. Your body won’t let you die. No one has ever died trying to hold their breath. See if you can follow your breath all the way to the end. Then do it again. Then do it once more.
Before you open your eyes, check in with your body. How does your body feel now compared to the way it felt just a minute ago? Does it feel different? Does it feel the same? This is not a test. There are no wrong answers.
Now when you are ready, I invite you to open your eyes.
Life can feel pretty crazy right now. There is everything going on in the world. There is everything going on in the country. Thanksgiving was this past week and Christmas, it feels like, is the day after next. And there are all those personal crises as well.
So, now is a good time to feel the ground with our bodies, to allow some relaxing, and to let go of our breath. It can feel very relaxing. Maybe that’s what you felt. But the main point of this grounding exercise is not relaxation. It’s not to turn you into a blob of jello. It’s to bring you into the present moment, so that you can give your full attention to what is happening right now in front of you.
That may seem like a strange thing to do on Christ the King Sunday. Christ the King Sunday is all about the end. But we don’t get to the end without living through the present.
Maybe the biggest surprise I had in my pile of questions was the number of questions regarding the end of time and Christ’s return. I don’t know if I ever got questions about the end from confirmation students. They have many more questions about the virgin birth, but perhaps the older we get the more likely we are to think about the end, whether it is the end of the world as we know it or the end of our life in the world:
When Jesus comes again, what will it be like for me and all the world around us?
What is meant by the end of time and Christ’s return? Could it be the time of our death?
How can I best prepare for the end of life? How can I best help my non-church going sons?
How can I handle the future when unknown circumstances happen?
This is a wonderful list of questions. I’m afraid I’m not going to answer them all individually today. But maybe I can at least respond them indirectly.
Many years ago, I heard the statistic that the average American male dies within two years of retirement. I was surprised by that statistic, but somehow assumed that it didn’t apply to me or anyone I loved. Then my dad died. And I remember the very moment when I realized that he had only lived a year and a half after his retirement. I stopped and I said to myself, “Chris, if there’s something you want to do, don’t wait until you’re retired to do it.”
At the time, I thought I would be putting together some kind of bucket list – places I wanted to go, things I wanted to do, people I wanted to see. Over time, I was led rather to seeking in the best way of living right now. And that, I also believe, is the best way to face an uncertain future and it is the best way to prepare for the end.
Ira Byock has come to the same conclusion. He is a doctor who has worked both in emergency rooms and in hospices. He has had plenty of contact with people who are nearing death. He says that no one has ever said to him, at the end of their life, “You know, I wish I’d spent more time at the office.” What people say is, “I would like to have more time with the people I care about.”
So, Dr. Byock developed a list of four things that people can say to each other, in order to make the most of the time we have with the people we love. He wrote about it in his book, The Four Things that Matter Most, (Free Press, 2004) The four things are:
Please forgive me.
I forgive you.
Thank you.
I love you.
Please forgive me. If there are things I have done that have hurt you, please forgive me. If I have betrayed you or mistreated you in any way, please forgive me. Certainly, if there is some particular wrong, confess that. Only in confessing, only in asking for forgiveness, will that barrier in your relationship be removed.
I forgive you. Those things that you have done that have hurt or offended me, I forgive. We might think, “Oh, I could never forgive that person for what they did to me.” Indeed, it may be very difficult. But if you don’t forgive, who are you really punishing? Do you really want to continue carrying that anger? Rather than hold on to it, which is only hurting ourselves and keeping us from loving others, we let it go. We let go of the anger.
I find it helpful to picture that person as a human being, who also desires to be happy, but also has their own share of unresolved issues. Forgiveness is not an exoneration. It’s not an excuse. It is rather a chance for us to let go of the resentment that has lived in us ever since that act.
Thank you. Mother Teresa said, “There is more hunger for love and appreciation in this world than for bread.” Saying thank you is a way of expressing appreciation. “Thank you for everything you’ve done for me. Thank you for putting up with me.” It works just as well with smaller things. “Thank you for cooking the meal. Thank you for doing the dishes. Thank you for taking out the garbage.” A father once said to me, “Why should I say, ‘thank you,’ to my son for taking out the garbage? It’s his responsibility.” Because everyone needs to feel appreciated and everyone needs to express appreciation. Wouldn’t you feel closer to your son, if you said, “Thank you?”
I love you. Love is the most powerful of human emotions. For that reason, it is the most important and the most difficult thing we can say. So, like forgiveness, there may be people in your life, where your first reaction is, “I could never say, ‘I love you,’ to that person!”
Again, start by practicing. Imagine that person, not as they are now, but as they were when you loved them or when they did something loving or kind to you. Then imagine, if you can, saying, “I love you,” to that person. Then see how it goes from there.
Remember – it’s not so much about that person as it is about you. It is not so much about that person’s need to hear you say, “I love you,” although they do. It is about your need to express it.
Please forgive me. I forgive you. Thank you. I love you.
These, according to Dr. Ira Byock, are the four things that matter most. They are a way for us to prepare for the end that will come for all of us. You don’t have to wait until the end to say them because they are also the best way to live now. They are a way for us to live the question – What does love ask of me now?
This is not the kingdom of Pilate. It is the kingdom of Jesus. It is not a kingdom built on force, but on forgiveness. It is not a kingdom driven by might, but by mercy. It is not a kingdom upheld by laws, but by love.
The image that Jesus most often used for what happens at the end was a wedding feast. The kingdom of God is as if a king throws a wedding feast for his son… And if the kingdom of heaven is a party then the theme of that party is love.
Frank Rogers is a Roman Catholic who teaches at my old seminary, Claremont School of Theology. When his son, Justin, was three years old, Frank and his wife divorced. When Frank took Justin to mass, Justin began asking why he couldn’t have communion like everyone else.
So, Frank went to the priest. He told the priest that now more than ever, Justin needed to feel at home in his religious community. Because Jesus welcomed children, he considered entirely appropriate for Justin to begin his sacramental preparation. Since Frank was a seminary professor, he himself would take responsibility for that instruction. As a part of that instruction, Frank would take the host – the bread he had received from the priest – break a small piece off and give it to Justin. The priest agreed.
So, every Sunday, as they drove to church, Frank would tell Justin a story about why the eucharist was so important for Christians. Then, during the sacrament, he would break a small piece off from the bigger piece he had received and give it to his son.
One Sunday, on the way to church, Frank said, “Justin, there’s another reason why we take Eucharist each week. When Jesus comes back there’s going to be a huge party – the biggest party you could possibly imagine. It’ll be called the feast of life. And what’s really cool about this party is that everyone in the world is invited – not just friends and family, but strangers, too. We’ll all be at together at the same party – even people from different schools will be at the same party, even people from different countries will be at the same party, even people who are enemies to each other, even they will be at the same party. But they will be friends, eating bread and drinking wine and celebrating the feast of life together. Isn’t that cool?”
Justin thought about it for a while. Then he said, “So, at the feast of life, even enemies will be friends?”
“Yes, they will.”
“So, Coyote and Roadrunner will be friends?”
“Yes, they will.”
“Even Dorothy and the witch will be friends?”
“Yes, they will.”
Then Justin paused. “Dad, at the feast of life, will even you and mommy be friends?”
Frank described that moment this way: “His hope pierced my heart like a spear. But I knew what to say. ‘Yes, Justin, at the feast of life, even your mom and I will be friends once more.’”
Justin took this in. Then he said, “Daddy, at Eucharist today, this time, I want the big piece.”
(from Compassion in Practice, Upper Room Books, 2016)
The meal that we share here is a foretaste of the feast to come, an intimation of what will happen when Christ returns and gathers all people to himself. Partaking in this meal prepares us for that.
But this meal also helps us to live in the best way now. It is a meal of love. It is a meal of thanks. Most of all, it is a meal of forgiveness. It is forgiveness for us that allows us to forgive ourselves and to forgive each other. It is forgiveness for us that frees us to offer forgiveness to others and seek forgiveness from others.
This is how it will be. This is how we shall live. This is the kingdom of Jesus.
Begin by getting comfortable in your seat. Set aside anything you’re holding in your hands. If you feel comfortable doing so, close your eyes or lower your gaze.
Now bring your attention to your body, wherever it meets the pew or the floor. That may be your back. That may be your sit bones. That may be the underside of your thighs. That may be your feet. Just bring your attention to those places. Feel the weight of your body as it sits. This signals your body that there are no emergencies right now. You’re not rushing around the house getting ready for church. You’re not in traffic on the way. You’re not even reaching for a hymnal wondering what the next hymn is. Even though your mind might want to start thinking about what you’re going to have for lunch, your body can now sense that there is nowhere to go and nothing to do.
Second, bring our attention to your face, the area around your eyes or your jaw. Relax them. This may sound strange, but bring your attention as well to the roof of your mouth. If you can imagine relaxing that part of your body, fine. If not, that’s fine, too. We carry far more tension in our face that we realize. It is also a place that reacts when we sense that there is an emergency. So, relax.
Third, bring your attention to your breath, particularly your exhale. Follow your exhale all the way to the end, all the way to the pause at the end of your breath. Then allow the in-breath to come naturally. Your body won’t let you die. No one has ever died trying to hold their breath. See if you can follow your breath all the way to the end. Then do it again. Then do it once more.
Before you open your eyes, check in with your body. How does your body feel now compared to the way it felt just a minute ago? Does it feel different? Does it feel the same? This is not a test. There are no wrong answers.
Now when you are ready, I invite you to open your eyes.
Life can feel pretty crazy right now. There is everything going on in the world. There is everything going on in the country. Thanksgiving was this past week and Christmas, it feels like, is the day after next. And there are all those personal crises as well.
So, now is a good time to feel the ground with our bodies, to allow some relaxing, and to let go of our breath. It can feel very relaxing. Maybe that’s what you felt. But the main point of this grounding exercise is not relaxation. It’s not to turn you into a blob of jello. It’s to bring you into the present moment, so that you can give your full attention to what is happening right now in front of you.
That may seem like a strange thing to do on Christ the King Sunday. Christ the King Sunday is all about the end. But we don’t get to the end without living through the present.
Maybe the biggest surprise I had in my pile of questions was the number of questions regarding the end of time and Christ’s return. I don’t know if I ever got questions about the end from confirmation students. They have many more questions about the virgin birth, but perhaps the older we get the more likely we are to think about the end, whether it is the end of the world as we know it or the end of our life in the world:
When Jesus comes again, what will it be like for me and all the world around us?
What is meant by the end of time and Christ’s return? Could it be the time of our death?
How can I best prepare for the end of life? How can I best help my non-church going sons?
How can I handle the future when unknown circumstances happen?
This is a wonderful list of questions. I’m afraid I’m not going to answer them all individually today. But maybe I can at least respond them indirectly.
Many years ago, I heard the statistic that the average American male dies within two years of retirement. I was surprised by that statistic, but somehow assumed that it didn’t apply to me or anyone I loved. Then my dad died. And I remember the very moment when I realized that he had only lived a year and a half after his retirement. I stopped and I said to myself, “Chris, if there’s something you want to do, don’t wait until you’re retired to do it.”
At the time, I thought I would be putting together some kind of bucket list – places I wanted to go, things I wanted to do, people I wanted to see. Over time, I was led rather to seeking in the best way of living right now. And that, I also believe, is the best way to face an uncertain future and it is the best way to prepare for the end.
Ira Byock has come to the same conclusion. He is a doctor who has worked both in emergency rooms and in hospices. He has had plenty of contact with people who are nearing death. He says that no one has ever said to him, at the end of their life, “You know, I wish I’d spent more time at the office.” What people say is, “I would like to have more time with the people I care about.”
So, Dr. Byock developed a list of four things that people can say to each other, in order to make the most of the time we have with the people we love. He wrote about it in his book, The Four Things that Matter Most, (Free Press, 2004) The four things are:
Please forgive me.
I forgive you.
Thank you.
I love you.
Please forgive me. If there are things I have done that have hurt you, please forgive me. If I have betrayed you or mistreated you in any way, please forgive me. Certainly, if there is some particular wrong, confess that. Only in confessing, only in asking for forgiveness, will that barrier in your relationship be removed.
I forgive you. Those things that you have done that have hurt or offended me, I forgive. We might think, “Oh, I could never forgive that person for what they did to me.” Indeed, it may be very difficult. But if you don’t forgive, who are you really punishing? Do you really want to continue carrying that anger? Rather than hold on to it, which is only hurting ourselves and keeping us from loving others, we let it go. We let go of the anger.
I find it helpful to picture that person as a human being, who also desires to be happy, but also has their own share of unresolved issues. Forgiveness is not an exoneration. It’s not an excuse. It is rather a chance for us to let go of the resentment that has lived in us ever since that act.
Thank you. Mother Teresa said, “There is more hunger for love and appreciation in this world than for bread.” Saying thank you is a way of expressing appreciation. “Thank you for everything you’ve done for me. Thank you for putting up with me.” It works just as well with smaller things. “Thank you for cooking the meal. Thank you for doing the dishes. Thank you for taking out the garbage.” A father once said to me, “Why should I say, ‘thank you,’ to my son for taking out the garbage? It’s his responsibility.” Because everyone needs to feel appreciated and everyone needs to express appreciation. Wouldn’t you feel closer to your son, if you said, “Thank you?”
I love you. Love is the most powerful of human emotions. For that reason, it is the most important and the most difficult thing we can say. So, like forgiveness, there may be people in your life, where your first reaction is, “I could never say, ‘I love you,’ to that person!”
Again, start by practicing. Imagine that person, not as they are now, but as they were when you loved them or when they did something loving or kind to you. Then imagine, if you can, saying, “I love you,” to that person. Then see how it goes from there.
Remember – it’s not so much about that person as it is about you. It is not so much about that person’s need to hear you say, “I love you,” although they do. It is about your need to express it.
Please forgive me. I forgive you. Thank you. I love you.
These, according to Dr. Ira Byock, are the four things that matter most. They are a way for us to prepare for the end that will come for all of us. You don’t have to wait until the end to say them because they are also the best way to live now. They are a way for us to live the question – What does love ask of me now?
This is not the kingdom of Pilate. It is the kingdom of Jesus. It is not a kingdom built on force, but on forgiveness. It is not a kingdom driven by might, but by mercy. It is not a kingdom upheld by laws, but by love.
The image that Jesus most often used for what happens at the end was a wedding feast. The kingdom of God is as if a king throws a wedding feast for his son… And if the kingdom of heaven is a party then the theme of that party is love.
Frank Rogers is a Roman Catholic who teaches at my old seminary, Claremont School of Theology. When his son, Justin, was three years old, Frank and his wife divorced. When Frank took Justin to mass, Justin began asking why he couldn’t have communion like everyone else.
So, Frank went to the priest. He told the priest that now more than ever, Justin needed to feel at home in his religious community. Because Jesus welcomed children, he considered entirely appropriate for Justin to begin his sacramental preparation. Since Frank was a seminary professor, he himself would take responsibility for that instruction. As a part of that instruction, Frank would take the host – the bread he had received from the priest – break a small piece off and give it to Justin. The priest agreed.
So, every Sunday, as they drove to church, Frank would tell Justin a story about why the eucharist was so important for Christians. Then, during the sacrament, he would break a small piece off from the bigger piece he had received and give it to his son.
One Sunday, on the way to church, Frank said, “Justin, there’s another reason why we take Eucharist each week. When Jesus comes back there’s going to be a huge party – the biggest party you could possibly imagine. It’ll be called the feast of life. And what’s really cool about this party is that everyone in the world is invited – not just friends and family, but strangers, too. We’ll all be at together at the same party – even people from different schools will be at the same party, even people from different countries will be at the same party, even people who are enemies to each other, even they will be at the same party. But they will be friends, eating bread and drinking wine and celebrating the feast of life together. Isn’t that cool?”
Justin thought about it for a while. Then he said, “So, at the feast of life, even enemies will be friends?”
“Yes, they will.”
“So, Coyote and Roadrunner will be friends?”
“Yes, they will.”
“Even Dorothy and the witch will be friends?”
“Yes, they will.”
Then Justin paused. “Dad, at the feast of life, will even you and mommy be friends?”
Frank described that moment this way: “His hope pierced my heart like a spear. But I knew what to say. ‘Yes, Justin, at the feast of life, even your mom and I will be friends once more.’”
Justin took this in. Then he said, “Daddy, at Eucharist today, this time, I want the big piece.”
(from Compassion in Practice, Upper Room Books, 2016)
The meal that we share here is a foretaste of the feast to come, an intimation of what will happen when Christ returns and gathers all people to himself. Partaking in this meal prepares us for that.
But this meal also helps us to live in the best way now. It is a meal of love. It is a meal of thanks. Most of all, it is a meal of forgiveness. It is forgiveness for us that allows us to forgive ourselves and to forgive each other. It is forgiveness for us that frees us to offer forgiveness to others and seek forgiveness from others.
This is how it will be. This is how we shall live. This is the kingdom of Jesus.
Comments
Post a Comment